Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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