Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
