He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
