You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
