what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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