Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
