I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
