i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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