When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
vagina is talking i cant
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
