First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
