If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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