I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
