My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize