My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
