I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i love accidental penises.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
