somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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