The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize