he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
