Do you still have your period?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
