need another drink. this is the easiest way
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
