so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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