walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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