I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
