despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
