I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
