I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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