We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
