i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize