I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
