Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
