it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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