she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's like iHOP with fire
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize