i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
