i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
