Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
