Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
