3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
