The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize