I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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