i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
