Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
