Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
