i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
