I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
