So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize