Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
