We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
