girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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