i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
