ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
