you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
