he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize