I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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