The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
