Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
