i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
