I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
