she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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