My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
