dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize