I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
