glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
