"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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