at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They have beer where we have blood.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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