and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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