i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
