its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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