What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
