So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
