If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
