Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
