doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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