My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
