He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
