Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize