and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize