Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
