wrigley field is MILF paradise
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
