I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
