My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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