if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
