Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
