What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
