the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
