I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
