Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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