guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
