He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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