Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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