i would punch a child for taco bell
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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