Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
