look no pants
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
