just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
