So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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