I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize