i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
