think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
