my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
