my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
