never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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