shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
