I accidentally burped into my bong.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
