He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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