and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
