Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
3pm strippers are depressing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
