I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
