We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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